The Psychology of A Leader

     Leadership and leading figures have been very prominent since the beginning of human existence on this earth; be it the Stone Age, the middle ages, or the modern times, leaders have been and are still needed in every group, clan, society, culture, and even religion. Leadership figures affect us since our early childhood starting with our parents, older siblings and teachers, to religious figures, celebrities, and other people that we may look up to and get inspired by. Truth is: all of us need a leader. So what exactly is a leader? And are leaders born or made?

     Contrary to what many may believe, anyone can be a leader; there are simply no pre-requisites for anyone to become a leader. It is as simple as this: if one human being can lead, then any of us can. The question remains though over the key to being considered a leader by at least a group of people; what does it take for people to listen to a leader and trust in him? In this article, I will try to look into the psychology of leadership and leaders and will discuss the fact that all it takes for anyone to lead is to master certain techniques and simply believe in the message that he or she is carrying.

What is A Leader?

     Let us begin by taking a look at the meaning of the word Leader: according to Webster’s dictionary, two of the definitions of the word Leader are: “a: guide, conductor b (1): a person who directs a military force or unit (2) : a person who has commanding authority or influence” (Merriam-Webster, 2011) .

     One key word in this definition would be: influence; without influence there are no leaders or followers. One of the major reasons for any person or group of people to follow another person is the way that person influences them. People normally look for a person that shares the same goals and ideas as they do, and more importantly, people always want a person they can have faith in; someone who will strengthen their beliefs and/or show them the right path.

Leadership Then and Now

     Throughout time, the concepts of leader and leadership have taken a major turn and a new direction. In the past, leaders were thought of as controlling and demanding people. The word leader used to be parallel to the word boss; a person who is normally very serious, occasionally upset, and who’s major task is to give orders and make decisions. Unfortunately, this image had such a strong effect that even in our modern days many people still refer back to it when they first hear the term Boss. As the time passed, the concept of leadership have gradually shifted from being a one way flow of ideas, direction, and decision making, to a two way flow of sharing ideas and experiences towards the best interest of the whole group and not only the leader; leaders actually involve their group or team members in the process of decision making in our modern days compared to groups and team members being a passive receiver and an order follower in the past.  The new age leader is thought of as a coach or a counselor; a person that guides, shares thoughts and opinions, and more than anything else: listens. 

Leading Through Persuasion

     So what is the psychology behind a group of people following and actually listening to one person? The answer to that can be simply summarized in one word: Persuasion. True leaders have the ability to persuade and convince their followers or team members of the message they want to deliver. The science of persuasion is not a new one; however, constant research and work in this field have uncovered certain techniques that play a key role in the process of persuasion.

Persuasion and Influence Techniques

     A successful persuader keeps his words very simple and straight to the point; the simpler the words are, the easier they will be digested by the brain and the more they will stick into the memory. Using complex language such as long phrases and long indirect sentences causes the receiver to put more effort and energy into understanding the information being told or communicated, this in turn will divert the brain’s attention from accepting the information and being persuaded by it, to trying to understand and analyze it. Simple words and direct information do not require as much effort or energy to comprehend. Another important aspect of good persuasion techniques is simply humor. Humor has a very persuasive power; exposure to unexpected events (such as unexpected jokes) creates positive stimuli in our brains, research findings have proven that such stimuli gains our attention and opens our brains’ abilities to suggestion and hence easier persuasion. Humor, and to be more specific, unexpected humor is simply the key. In addition, humor gets people closer to each other and breaks the ice between people who have newly met. We are typically more willing to listen to a person with a sense of humor and actually pay attention to what they have to say than doing the same to a person without any sense of humor or with a serious tone.

     In order to persuade anyone, you have to make them believe that they are gaining, winning, or benefiting, and that what you want is their best interest. In his article “The Power to Persuade”, Kevin Dutton says: “The key, as a persuader, is to present things in such a way that they appear to be not in your own best interest – but in those whom you are trying to influence.” (Dutton, 2010). People normally want to know and feel that their leader really cares about what they want and what they need. Perceived self-interest is not a favorable characteristic in any leader; it is a human nature to want to gain or take, more than to give or offer. A trip to any supermarket, mall or shopping center proves this very clearly; research and experiments with shoppers have proven that people will tend to buy products that come with an offer (such as: buy one get one FREE, or discount coupons) rather than single products without any offers on them. Leaders must practice and master the habit of offering and giving more than they expect to receive, after all, no one would want to follow a person who has no interest in them.

Leadership and Empathy

     Before any leader is able to persuade any of their followers or team members, they have to gain their trust. If you don’t trust a person, chances are that you will never even consider listening to them. In order for leaders to gain the trust of their followers, they have to show them that they feel and understand them. Caring is one of the most powerful human feelings that leaves a deep impact in the subconscious levels. The key word we are looking for here is empathy. A successful leader is normally an empathetic one. Many people believe that empathy is an ability that we are born with and some people just don’t have it. I believe that empathy is a skill that anyone can develop just like any other skill. Once we unfold and analyze what is required to feel others - or in other words: once we are emotionally intelligent-, then the recipe to good empathetic skills is ready at hand. So what do we need to know or look for in other people to understand how they feel? First of all we have to understand that most of our communication is non-verbal. According to a study done by professor Emiriti Albert Mehrabian of UCLA, our verbal communication – or what we simply say to express ourselves – forms only 7% of what we communicate and how we communicate it. The remaining 93% lays in the tone of our voice and our body language and gestures (Chapman, 2004 - 2009). It is very important for us to be able to read those non-verbal means of communication. Some people are highly emotional and you can easily tell when they are happy or sad simply by taking a look into their eyes. Others are a bit harder to read since they do not show much of what they feel. However, by time and with practice, most people are able to sense or read how others feel. Another important fact about empathetic people is that in order for them to feel with others they must experience that particular feeling themselves first. A person who has experienced a certain feeling is normally more empathetic towards others with the same feeling than a person who has not gone through the same experience or emotion before. For example, everybody knows that losing a sibling or a family member is a hard thing to handle, however, a person who has actually lost a family member will sympathize more with others who go through the same experience. There is a large variety of emotions and feelings - negative and positive, happy and sad – that we experience in life; the more feelings from both extremes that we experience, the better emotional intelligence abilities that we have. This is not to say that a person who has not experienced so many different feelings is unable to be empathetic, with practice and in time the emotional intelligence skills mature and become more of a natural instinct than an effort.

The Psychology behind Influence

     Different studies over people’s response to how others influence them or convince them of a certain issue show that the secret in people being influenced or convinced by someone else lays in how they feel or what mood they’re in at that time rather than on how they think. If you want to change somebody’s mind about anything, first you have to change their mood. This fact proves to us once again that empathy plays a key role in having any influence over others.

Another important aspect to be taken onto consideration when trying to influence people is that we normally tend to do what we see others do. One study done by the University of California on people’s pro-environmental behavior concluded that people in any neighborhood act in a pro-environmental way by recycling and following other means of saving energy simply because other people around them do the same. Another study done by Dr. Robert Cialdini and Dr. Noah Goldstein proved that placing signs in hotel rooms that state that people who stay in that hotel normally re-use their towels, have increased the amount of towel re-usage by 26%. When they placed another sign in the toilet of each room stating that the majority of people who stay in that particular room re-use their towels, the results were even more impressive as the majority of the hotel visitors started reusing their towels (Martin, 2010). These studies and many more confirm the fact that we are influenced by the actions of other people around us, to be more specific, we are influenced by people who are like us or who live in the same circumstances as we do; people who are like each other, like each other. Therefore, a successful leader is normally one who knows how to connect with his people and blends in well with them by creating an atmosphere that is as close to unity as possible rather than an atmosphere of ranking individuals based on their work position, social position, or social status. A “We’re all in this together” attitude brings a sense of belonging and unity to any team member. The major initiator and creator of this attitude is normally the leader of any given group, company, or even society. The key to instilling the feeling of commitment in people lies simply in explaining to them how important they are to the group and how their role – no matter how small or large it is – is of vital importance to the benefit of everybody else. Using visual adaptation of certain concepts such as the puzzle (where every group member represents a piece) or the chain (where every group member represents a link) helps imprint the message in the brain and makes it easier to comprehend.   

     Although most of our communication is non-verbal, verbal communication still has its importance especially when it comes to the power of persuasion and influence. Using certain words while trying to influence others can be very effective in persuading them or having them accept the message you are trying to deliver. These words, when used in moderation, affect us at a subconscious level and open our brains to suggestion. Some of the major words that normally have a persuasive effect are: Because, Now, Imagine, Tank You, Please, and mentioning the person’s name during a conversation. Mentioning the person’s name however, should be used with extra care as using the name very often will have negative results on the outcome of the conversation. Studies suggest that the most effective way to mention the name of the person you are speaking to during your conversation is once at the beginning of the conversation and another time by the end of the conversation. The less you use the name, the more effective the results will be (Hogan, 2009).

Lead from Within, Not From the Top

     In conclusion, Psychology has a very important impact on both the leader and the group he or she leads. Understanding the human nature and way of thinking is the base of all means of connection to others. Any leader can spend years studying different management and improvement techniques; however, this doesn’t necessarily make that person a good leader, before any of that, the basics of human connection and understanding have to be there. Leaders have to have the ability to gain the trust of others and influence them. During one of his presentations on leadership, John Maxwell said: “Leaders never cross the finish line first, people who cross the finish line first are running alone. Leaders never cross the finish line first because when they come across; they’re bringing people with them” (Maxwell, 2011). In order for any leader to bring everyone to the finish line or from point A to point B together, he has to be joining the race with them and be the first to experience anything they may go through along the ride. You cannot have any influence on people before you get to connect with them by finding a common ground where you and your team can meet.

     One of the most important aspects for any leader to consider is that leading a group of people and taking them where you want them to be works best when you are on the same ground as they are. In other words, true leaders do not lead from on top, in order for any leader to have positive influence on his people; he or she must find a common ground to start the whole process from. Finding the common ground becomes an easy process when the leader knows his team or group of people well; before any leader can lead, they need to know who they are leading. A good leader is a good listener, when we listen to someone, we get to learn about them, once we learn about others establishing a common ground becomes easier. The magic of influence can only start when a leader knows his people.