The Presence Effect: What You Need to Make them Listen

As I was reading one of my favorite books under the title of What the Dog Saw, by Malcom Gladwell, I came across a paragraph that made me stop and think for a while. In that part of the book, as Malcom discusses the story of Cesar Millan – a famous dog show host on the National Geographic channel he writes:

 “In every episode, he arrives amid canine chaos and leaves behind peace. He is the teacher we all had in grade school who could walk in to a classroom filled with rambunctious kids and gets everyone to calm down and behave. But what did the teacher have? If you’d ask us back then, we might have said that we behaved for Mr. Exley because Mr. Exley had lots of rules and was really strict. But the truth is that we behaved for Mr. DeBock as well, and he wasn’t strict at all. What we really mean is that both of them had that indefinable thing called presence.”

Working in the field of education, and experiencing scenarios like the one quoted above on daily basises makes me not help but think, what exactly is that effect we call presence? And why do we feel it with some people but not with others?

What is it?

Presence is this amazing energy that reveals itself and attracts people attention like a magnet attracts metal. It cannot be physically seen, clearly defined or classified, yet it makes such a huge difference when someone has it; we simply can feel it.

 People who possess strong presence attract everyone’s attention and are able to get a whole crowd to listen, without having to speak. Presence is non-verbal, yet it can have a stronger influence and deliver a more powerful message than spoken words. Research in the field of communication reveals to us that up to 93% of communication is non-verbal while the remaining 7% consist of the words we speak. Non-verbal communication is always referred to as a combination of body language, facial expressions and tone of voice. What you rarely hear though, is that all of these aspects put together with the right type of energy form what we know as presence.

Is it something anyone can develop?

The big question then is: Can presence be developed or is it something that you either have or don’t?

Although many people naturally have charismatic characters and presence that is hard to go unnoticed, there is good news for those who don’t: Presence is a skill that can be developed.

Oftentimes, presence is associated with presentation skills as presenters need to capture their audiences and deliver their message as flawless as possible. Anyone with the desire of developing their presence skills must work on several areas in their life and make it a point not to miss out on any of those areas. One can easily talk for days about each area, however, below is a brief preview:

·       Self Confidence  

I believe that the main issue that people with low self-esteem or little self-confidence have is that they lack the acceptance and love of who they are. They always put themselves in a position of comparison to others. The first step to being self-confident is to accept yourself and like yourself for who you are and not for who others expect you to be. You are meant to be an original masterpiece of you, not a replica of others.

·       Public Speaking

Believe it or not, public speaking ranks as the number one fear that most people have. It even ranks higher than the fear of death. Developing one’s public speech abilities is directly linked to self-confidence. Speaking to a small audience can be a start.

·       Developing a field of positive energy

Everything around us consists of energy. As a matter of fact, we are made of a field of energy with the manifestation of our bodies as the physical part of it. Energy matters and it is contagious. The minute we start paying attention to the state of mood we are in and the level of energy we are at, it becomes easier to control that field and keep it at a positive note. It all starts with awareness.

·       Believe in your message

If the messenger does not believe in his message, then neither will his audience. A leader’s presence is always stronger when he or she believes in the message they are delivering. You simply cannot have noticeable presence if you do not believe in what you are communicating. People will only believe the message if they believe the messenger.

·       Do it with passion

When asked about the secret to his phenomenal success, Yanni, the global and perhaps most successful musician of our modern time answered: “Passion is the fuel”. Believing in your message and principles is good but not enough. What makes it excellent is being passionate about everything you do. Passion keeps the flame within alive and adds more value to anything we do.

·       Looks Matter

In the business of leadership and influence, you must look the part in order for your presence to be put in the right place. Despite the fact that many people argue that the value of someone lies in who they are on the inside, looks do matter. If a chairman or a leader of a business team shows up to a meeting wearing shorts, a tank top and a pair of slippers, chances are that most people will not feel his presence or take what he says seriously. The same is true for a master chief showing up to teach his students cooking skills while wearing a full tuxedo.

In conclusion, mastering your presence makes all the difference in any area of your life, be it personal or business related. The power of presence is not a gift limited to those who have it only; it is a skill that can be developed through intentional actions and directed awareness. Presence is one of the main keys to getting others to follow you and believe in you for successful leadership cannot go without a strong presence of a leader.

Tough Luck....You've Got to Be Tough to Be Lucky

Dan Carr, a wise Native American old friend of mine once told me that there is no such thing as luck. Dan always insisted that luck comes your way only when you allow it to. His famous words were: “Son, you’ve got to be tough to be lucky”. He called this principle Tough Luck, giving the phrase a whole new meaning.

Dan explained to me that he learned this lesson early in life when as a child he once fell down and cried, hoping for his mother to come and pick him up. However, contrary to what he expected, his mother looked him in the eye and told him: “Son, you’ve got to be tough enough to get up on your own. I will not always be here to help you”.

I have taken Dan’s word’s to heart for many years and built many of my leadership and life principles around this wisdom. I am now a firm believer that we do not need luck as we have the capability to create our own luck. Creating our own luck doesn’t simply happen through wishful thinking alone, although a positive mind set and a powerful intention are two important ingredients in this formula. In this article I will share with you few of the most important tips to creating your own luck.

Find the Opportunity in Every Challenge

Our day to day life is full of challenges and situations that we may or may not anticipate or foresee. Although the facts say that most situations are not full of flowers and roses and may not end up being completely resolved or have a positive outcome, reality is that there is an opportunity to be found in every situation that arises, be it a positive or a negative one.

While working on a number of cultures in St. Mary’s Hospital in London in 1928, Alexander Fleming found that some of his cultures were ruined by mold as the window in the room where he kept the cultures was left open. Fleming could have easily been depressed and discouraged since his cultures were ruined after a lot of hard work, instead, he found an opportunity in this negative situation and decided to study the mold that was formed and hence discovering Penicillin, one of the most important life-saving antibiotics used in the world of medicine up to our modern time.

In his book The Difference Maker, John Maxwell writes: “Take a wide look at the possibilities. In most sets of negative circumstances lie positive possibilities”. This couldn’t be more accurate and straight to the point; positive possibilities are there most of the times, but they will not reveal themselves to us until we make the effort to find them.

Create the Opportunity in Every Situation

"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door" 

  ~ Milton Berle

One of the most valuable lessons in life that my dad taught me, was to create your own opportunity when you do not find one. This may sound a little out of reach when you first hear it, however, with practice and the right set of skills you develop through practice, you become a good judge of knowing when exactly and how to create the opportunity in every situation you go through.

Back in 1886, John Pemberton, a pharmacist of Atlanta, Georgia, wanted to create a new medicine to sooth headaches, relieve exhaustion and aid the nervous. The medicine was supposed to be served as chilled syrup to patients. All was going well until Pemberton’s assistant poured soda water into the concoction by mistake.  After trying the new formed mixture and realizing that it wasn’t the medicine he intended to create, Pemberton decided to promote and sell the new creation as a fountain drink. He decided to call the new drink Coca-Cola. Today, Coca-Cola stands as the best-selling and most globally spread soft drink.

What John Pemberton did is a perfect example of creating the opportunity; he created a hit out of a mistake thanks to his winning mindset.

Seize the Opportunity

Finding the opportunity and creating the opportunity are both useless if one doesn’t know how to seize the opportunity once recognized.

Most people find the right opportunity and stop right there because of fear of the outcome of them seizing the opportunity and taking action. Seizing an opportunity requires a brave heart and an adventurous spirit, after all, taking the opportunity can only lead to success if handled the right way. Not taking the chance is an ultimate loss for the same opportunity rarely comes twice.

William Arthur Ward once said: “Opportunities are like sunrises; if you wait too long, you miss them”

Be Persistent

 The secret to success in this life isn’t always succeeding at what you do; it is knowing how to get up and try again when life knocks you down.

A young boy who had a tough life as a child working in hard labor with his dad after the passing away of his mother used to walk for miles every day to learn how to read until he became literate. After years of moving around from one state to another with his father he met a lady whom he fell in love with instantly, however, that lady died due to an epidemic that hit the area. In 1831 he failed in business and 1832 he was defeated for state legislature. In 1833 he failed in business again and in 1835 his fiancé died. The continuous disappointments led to him having a nervous breakdown in 1836. He was defeated for congress in 1843 and 1848. In 1855 he tried running for the senate and lost. He ran for vice president in 1856 and lost. Once again in 1859 he tried running for the senate and lost. Having read this much you would say to yourself that this guy must be either a loser or the most unfortunate guy that ever lived. This is where persistence comes into play. The story goes like this: in 1860 he ran for president and won the elections to become one of the most remembered presidents in the history of the United States who made history. His name was Abraham Lincoln and his name shall be remembered forever.

Lincoln’s story is one of numerous stories about persistence and the will to succeed and accomplish something in this life. Successful people know that giving up is never an option. We create our own luck and our own destiny even if we had to try over and over again.

I would like to finish this article with a quote by Henry Ford that says: “Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently”.

 I wish you all not just a good luck, but a self-created one.

Blame it on Religion

Throughout the ages, religion has been used as an excuse to start wars, invade countries, shed blood and claim religious victories.

From the Mayan tradition of human sacrifice to please the Gods, to the Crusader wars and the most recent and most savage situation of terrorist groups using religion as a cover to the massacres and destruction to human soul and civilization that they commit every minute, religion has been misused, abused, and given a very misguiding label.

Exactly like the case of a scientist without any ethical knowledge, religion detached from its core of ethics and principles can become a very dangerous weapon especially when put in the hands of uneducated and uncivilized individuals.

I normally do not discuss or write about any religious issues, however, I believe it is very important that all of us remember what religion is all about; religion is not just the set of teaching, rules and laws written in a book; religion is how you act and behave, religion is how you live and how you reflect what’s on the inside to the whole world around you, religion is being human, religion is love.

This is just a humble reminder of the necessity of us, the human race, remembering who we all are and where we all come from, the necessity of realizing and remembering that no matter what race or color we born into, we all started as one and will always go back to the one at the end of our journey.

Before concluding this article, I would like to leave you all with two quotes to think about:

“Be kind to all creatures; this is the true religion”

~ The Buddha

“You will not enter paradise until you have faith. And you will not complete your faith until you love one another.”

 ~ Prophet Muhammad

"You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden”

~ Jesus Christ

Leadership Lessons to Learn From The Minions

Being a minion fan, and while watching the latest minion movie, it occurred to me that those little yellow creatures - funny, silly, adorable, and spontaneous as they are – do enjoy many of a leader’s characteristics that we can all benefit from.

If you are not familiar with who the minions are, then I would highly advise that you put all minion movies on your “movies to watch” list as I am sure you will enjoy each one of them. In this article I would like to highlight a number of leadership lessons that we can all learn from the minions. Below are a number of these lessons:

  

They never turn their back on a team member

No matter what the minions go through, they never leave a team member behind. It is very interesting how the whole team slows down so that the minion left behind is able to catch up. Successful teams are defined through the care and bonds among the team members and the minions sure do it very well.

  

    They are not afraid to take a chance

Taking a chance and taking risks when needed are major elements of success and progress. When you reach the edge of the cliff and the only way you can to progress is forward, you need to develop the habit of taking a leap of faith and jumping into the other side. Fear is the main reason behind most failures.

They know how to play

You have heard it said many times to “Work hard, play hard”. I am a firm believer that a healthy

lifestyle is based on balance; this is where play falls in the right place. Most of us get so consumed by their job and duties to the extent where we forget what it means to have some play time. Play time is as essential for adults as it is for children. Successful leaders make it a point to dedicate a portion of their day for play and leisure. This time slot should be the main slot on the schedule during the weekends.

Our minion friends are the experts at this as they know how to enjoy themselves and insert the element of play even when they are working. An old man once told me “in life, you have to get out and stop to smell the roses”. I wonder how many of us are enjoying their life the way they should.

                                                                                                                      

                                                     

They always see the positive side of things

Even when things look like they have hit a brick wall and can only get worse, the minions always see a positive way out in each challenging situation. It is very common for leaders to go through tough challenges that seem hopeless to resolve. These are the most critical of all times as all the team members will have their eyes and hopes on their leader for answers. Do not let how any situation look like fool you, think the minion way and look for the positives of each situation; there is always a way out.

They do not hold grudges

Even after the evil lady locked the minions up in a torture room after all the help they gave her, they met her with a big welcome and wide smile the next time they saw her!

Holding grudges and hard feelings towards the others can only act a blocking stone in the path to happy and successful life. Jealousy, hatred, and negative emotions that are directed towards us from people around us are all inevitable; however, it is always up to us how to choose how to react to such happenings. My advice to you is: never hold a grudge; assess the situation, choose your attitude and move on.  

They never give up

Any top leader will not think twice before telling one key principle they go by is “Giving up is not an option”. The minions have actually mastered the art of not giving up as they would always reach where they want and get what they want regardless of how many times or tries it takes. Leaders think in one direction only: win, win, win, win. How many times are you willing to try to make things happen for you? Your answer defines how much of a leader spirit you have in you.

Know When to Hit the Delete Button

Being a fan and a user of modern technology, my Dad has always had a certain attraction for tablets, smartphones, and computers of all sorts. What is interesting though, is that the first question my dad always asks when dealing with any new device is: “Where is the delete button?”

I always found that rather strange and off course, however, my dad always insist on learning how to delete software, e-mails, messages, applications, etc. It is like he has a passion for deleting things out of his devices. We have even created a family inside joke where each time my dad touches a new device we ask “Where is the delete button?”

At one point I couldn’t help but ask my dad why it was important for him to know how to delete things. My dad’s answer was: “Anything that is needless or useless only becomes an extra burden on the device, when more and more useless things accumulate, the device will slow down and eventually start malfunctioning”, then he added “Son, you need to do the same with life matters if you want to live happily”.

My dad’s words got engraved in my mind and for a long time I gave this some serious thinking; it is normally not easy for us to let go of things or people. We tend to hold on to memories of all sorts, dwell on annoying and negative matters and get emotionally attached places, belongings, and individuals, even if we know that this attachment is not a healthy one. Successful people know the trick to avoiding and getting read of such an overload of negative, useless factors, be it emotions, material things, or even people in our lives; they know when to press the Delete button.

 Below are what I call the I.F.D steps to identifying, filtering and deleting all the daily stress causers and negativity magnets that if undetected, will pile up in our subconscious and cause us to malfunction:

1.    Identify

Many times we feel annoyed, upset, or nervous but we can’t really put our fingers on the reason behind this feeling. All we know is that we are in a “Don’t touch” mode and are ready to backfire at anyone who talks to us.

It is extremely important that we isolate ourselves when such feelings are taking over and turn our identification meter on to verify the reason(s) behind this feeling. We can simply go over the events that happened with us for the day or earlier than that when needed and scan every moment until we identify the real reasons that caused us to feel this way.

2.    Filter

Now that you have put your fingers on a reason or a list of reasons that are causing the stress or the negative feeling, it is time to ask yourself and answer a set of questions that will help you filter and narrow down that list to the minimum that you need to focus on. I always find the following questions to be useful in guiding me to what I need to filter out:

·       Is this issue / person in the circle of control or no control?

·       Did I understand the issue / person correctly?

·       Is there anything that I can do now to change this situation?

·       Is this issue / person of any value or meaning to me?

·       Is this issue / person standing in the way of my growth and progress?

3.    Delete

Once you have answered the questions mentioned earlier you will be able to better decide what issues you can simply delete and not occupy yourself with.

My advice to you is not to sweat the small things. Life is wonderful and it gets even better when we know when to use the delete button.

Thank you dad for teaching me how and when to delete what I don’t need.

8 Ways to Unclog Your Brain

Our “modern” lifestyle of technology and state of the art communication tools and techniques comes with a hefty price that each one of us pays. Using the internet, cellphones, tablets, smart TVs, smart watches, etc. to get our day to day needs and businesses done has become an unquestionable part of the day to day life.

Recent studies show that the average person receives the data equivalent of 174 newspapers on daily basis. It is no wonder then that the majority of people suffer from data overload which leads to a syndrome that I like to call a Brain Clog.   A mental or brain clog can lead to very unhealthy outcomes that will reflect negatively on our lives. I would like to share with you 8 ways that can help you unclog your brain and reset it back to a fresh start.

1. Spend some time alone

Spending time alone can be of great health advantage when practiced moderately and appropriately. We all need a healthy dose of “me time” where we get to think clearly and away from any external distractions. Once we isolate all external data, take a few steps back and focus on the voice inside, we get to see the full picture in a clearer way.

          2.   Get on a speech fast

Yes, you read that right; a speech fast. All doctors recommend a food fast for a healthy body cleanse and a good detox process. What is interesting is that several studies in recent years have proven that staying silent for a period of time has beneficial effects on the human thinking ability and decision making process. Do not hesitate to do a speech fast for 24 hours and see how you will feel the day after.

    3.   Talk to yourself

No, talking to yourself is not a sign of insanity as many people may joke about it. When we speak our thoughts out loud we come to a better sense of the pattern of our thinking and a better understanding of our emotions. This might even – in many cases – help us find solutions for the different day to day challenges.

4.   Enjoy some silence

Silence reinstalls the state of balance in us, be it mentally, spiritually or physically. In addition, silence allows the different thoughts that are buried in the subconscious to surface and be released. With such a busy lifestyle we all need a moment of silence and peace to regroup and get back on track. Make a habit of setting a minimum of 10 – 15 minutes a day for a session of silence and peace and you will notice the difference for yourself.

5.   Rewind your day

After a long busy day it is very helpful to mentally go over the events of the day you just had and evaluate each part of it. Rewinding the day in our minds can also help us discover and / or remember certain details that we did not pay attention at the moment they happened.

6.   Perform a Mental Dump

This is one of my favorite and most helpful habits that I have developed along the years. With so much data input coming to us on constant basis, there are so many appointments, reminders, to do tasks, phone calls, choirs, etc. to remember on daily basis. Leaving the office with such amounts of data overload on your mind can result into a restless rest of the day.  Before you leave the office dump all of this data on a piece of paper in the form of organized points and leave your mind stress free for you will still keep track of all you needed to remember the day after. I do my mental dumps on daily basis to the extent where it has become a second nature for me to do them.

 7.   Take a mental break

Just like any other muscle or organ in our body, our brain needs rest as well. Daily short mental breaks can be of great benefits to the overall capacity and performance power of our brain. Find a few minutes every day we you simply sit by yourself and switch off. Try for a few minutes tp clear your thoughts and simply think of nothing. This can be practiced by imagining a cloudy sky clearing of clouds little by little until the sky becomes clear blue with bright sunshine. While practicing this short session of meditation, make sure that you take deep inhales and exhales.

  8.   Treat yourself

You have heard it said: “In life, you have to stop and smell the roses”, and I’m here to urge you to make a practice of it. Life is not all about e-mails, schedules, deadlines and other commitments. Treating yourself to a vacation or to something that you like or have been wanting, pays off. Our brains and bodies enjoy treats and reset themselves to fresh start after a good break or treat.

Beat the BOT

In our days of quick everything, time has never been more precious and priceless. We work hard and push ourselves to the limit to always be on time not be behind. Meeting deadlines is one of the main reasons of pressure that we face on daily basis when trying to deliver any kind of work.

I am a firm believer that if you want to succeed at something , you should not just settle for average or have a “go with the flow” mentality. In order to really succeed you need to beat the Be On Time lifestyle and find ways of how to be ahead of time instead.  

Often times I hear people complain that they do not have enough time to get things done: I couldn’t disagree more. Below are a few tips that could save us a reasonable amount of time and hopefully help us be ahead of time instead of just on time.

·       Get Organized

It is estimated that the average human being spend the total of one year of his lifetime looking for lost possessions. Surprising, right?

Being an organized individual is a main factor in saving time as you will not need to waste that much time looking for lost belongings or misplaced items here and there.

·       Stay Focused

A large percentage of people have not trained themselves to stay focused on the task at hand. Losing focus is a definite time waster and much time can be gained by developing the habit of focus.

·       Time your tasks

Setting yourself a challenge to accomplish any given task in a reasonable amount of time can create pressure; a well needed pressure indeed. A moderate amount of healthy pressure can get us to finish any task or job in a shorter time than we would while doing the same task in a deadline free condition. Get into the habit of setting deadlines for any task or project that you work on in order to manage and perhaps even save time.

·       Plan Ahead

Planning any project or task ahead of time can be a huge time saver when done properly. A plan is your best map to the destination using the shortest, yet most effective route. People who work without planning end up wasting a considerable amount of time on things that could have been avoided. Successful leaders and individuals will never go without a plan.

·       Hang out with the right crowd

As harsh as it may seem, letting go of useless company is also a time saver. Emotions aside, try to take a look at your friends and run them through a filter; how many of them actually share same interests as you do? How many of them spend most of their time whining and complaining about how unfair life is and about all the negative things that happen to them? And how many of them actually speak positivity into your life, motivate you and are always there whenever you need them? Making a choice when it comes to the people you spend time with makes a lot of difference in the quality of your life.

·       Do not waste time trying to make everyone happy

Making everyone around us happy can be a real challenge, however, the good news is: you don’t really have to worry about making everyone happy. The truth is: if anyone is not happy with you, it is their problem not yours, so stop wasting time trying to figure out how to make everyone happy and focus on what makes you happy.